Jedi Unnamed
By Laurie Leal


I am no one.  I am a shadow without a true name.  An exiled Jedi.  I watch from a distance.  That's all I've ever really been able to do- to watch. 

*          *          *   

I had watched as the younglings were slaughtered, as other padawans like me had tried to fight back and failed, as even the strongest of the Jedi knights in the temple were overcome and struck down.  I had watched the blaster bolts that struck me in the shoulder, stomach, and chest as if they were in slow motion and I had watched my lightsaber tumble from my numb grasp.  For a long time, I had known nothing, and when my eyes opened again, I had been alone.  Alone with the dead.   And then I could do nothing but crawl into hiding, and watch, and wait, and will the Force to heal my grievous wounds.  For that had always been my gift, the healing- but I was the only one left alive to heal.

It was Master Yoda and Master Kenobi who had found me and who had given me the Force strength to survive long enough to be spirited away by friends of Bail Organa, who took me into temporary hiding.      

When Master Yoda decided to exile himself on Dagoba and Master Kenobi chose to watch over Vader's infant son on Tatooine, I was given a slightly different task.  I remembered the day clearly...

*          *          *

What about me, Master Yoda?" I had asked.  I'd turned carefully to face him, wincing at the injuries bacta hadn't had time to fully heal.  Part of me had really hoped he'd allow me to stay with him.

"With Senator Organa you will go," he'd informed me.  "Serve in his household, you will.  Watch over the girl from a distance.  Enough years you have trained to be capable in this.  But leave behind the identity of Jedi, you must.  No knowledge of the Force, the child must have, until right the time is."

My answering frown had prompted him to reach out a gnarled hand to touch mine.  "Able to do this, are you?"

I had inclined my head solemnly.  What else could I say?  "Yes, Master Yoda."

The Jedi Master's  hand had reached up and fingered the padawan braid that hung among my dark hair.  "A padawan, no longer you are."  He'd smiled faintly.  "When right the time is, a fine Jedi Knight you will be.  One like you we will need, a healer."  His hand had moved gently to my face for a moment; I can still feel the concern and resolve in that touch.  "Until then, may the Force be with you."

*          *          *         

That had been almost 20 years ago.  Leia had grown happy and strong with her adopted parents, never knowing the truth of her lineage.  And I had watched from a distance, performing whatever duties were asked of me by Senator Organa and his wife.  Watched and waited.  To Leia, I was a shadow in the background.           

When Senator Organa had made the decision to send Leia to Tatooine to bring Master Kenobi out of hiding, I had asked to go with her, to protect her as I secretly always had.  But Bail was against the idea.  Two Jedi in close proximity might draw unwanted attention and besides, he valued my advice as he readied Alderaan for war.  So, I had watched as Leia left on the ship, Tantive IV

*          *          *

I watch now, my face turned upward to the sky, one of thousands as a huge sphere blots out part of Alderaan's sun.  The fear of those around me is palpable, a fear that explodes into terror as a blinding light consumes the sky.

For an instant, my thoughts balloon outward- to Leia, to Master Kenobi, to Master Yoda- and then it is just me and the Force and the moment of obliteration.

I am no one.  I am a shadow without a true name.  An exiled Jedi.  I used to watch from a distance.  Now I watch no longer.